I feel the mood needs lifting after England's drab, dire, depressing and downright dismal draw with Algeria last night, so instead of ranting about how bad the match was, which would be far too easy, I'm going to treat you all to my World Cup 2010 Ridiculously Named Players XI:
GK: Boubacar Barry
If only England midfielder Gareth had a first name as amusing as the Ivory Coast goalkeeper's, we might have had something to smile about when he started in Cape Town last night!
RB: Danny Shittu
Yes, we know him well as he has played in England his whole career, but that still doesn't stop the Nigerian defender's surname from making the average male football fan from enjoying a quick chuckle upon hearing his name.
CB: Waldo Ponce
Complete with long hair and an alice band to match the name, the Chilean defender doesn't sound like the kind of man that is going to leave centre-forwards quaking in their boots...
LB: Gaetan Bong
Could be found playing left-back for Cameroon, but with a name like that is equally likely to be found with red-eye, the munchies and listening to Bob Marley.
RM: Kim Kum Il
The 46 Korean players in the tournament were all battling out to make this team, and Kim Kum Il, the North Korean who plies his trade with a team called 'April 25' has stormed in to claim his place in the starting line-up.
CM: Surprise Moriri
The South Africa man, who plies his trade for Mamelodi Sundowns is probably the only guy at the World Cup who isn't sure whether people are greeting him or trying to give him a bit of a shock... SURPRISE!
CM: Israel Castro
The Mexican makes the team purely on the basis that visual-learners are likely to imagine a castrated Israeli upon hearing his name.
LM: Siphiwe Tshabalala
The tricksy winger scored an absolute beauty to open the tournament for the hosts, but this resulted in confused fans trying to talk about his goal and forgetting how many 'sha's 'ba's and 'la's there were and in which order. The silent T just confused matters further...
CF: Prince Tagoe
Unlike William and Harry, who could be seen on ITV earlier alongside David Beckham with grins which should not have been seen on any self-respecting Englishman's face at any point this weekend, the Ghanaians actually get their royalty involved with the football. Hang on, he's not actually a Prince? Oh...
CF: Georgie Welcome
The Honduras frontman sounds like the sort of man who would greet his guests with open arms, take their coats, offer a cup of tea and make sure they get on the right bus home.
CF: Herculez Gomez
The USA impact sub who could easily pass as a WWE wrestler, a super hero or a video game character...
And the manager?
Nigeria's Swedish coach Lars Lagerback can claim this position, as any man with a booze-related surname can feel free to manage an imaginary team of mine!
And on that note, it may be time to go and drown my England related sorrows...
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